On the surface, there doesn't appear to be much of a crossover between the NBA and the mumblecore genre. Fortunately (or unfortunately), the tiny sliver that does overlap in this Venn diagram happens to be right in the Dunkalectic wheelhouse. So without further ado, ND brings you Which Mumblecore Film Is Your NBA Team?
(With Contributions from Kelly, Kevin, and ProfessorBooty)
Boston Celtics: Funny Ha Ha - Both are set in Boston, and more importantly, both share the prestige of being the original and most acclaimed in their respective world.
Cleveland Cavaliers: Dance Party USA - Equally awful. Mercifully, Lebron has spared us his opinion of Dance Party USA via twitter.
Portland Trail Blazers: Mutual Appreciation - The ultimate hipster movie and the ultimate hipster destination (until the Nets move to Brooklyn). The only thing missing is a Pitchfork-hyped band called Nicolas Batum.
LA Lakers: Cyrus - Maladjusted home-schooled youth battles middle-aged depressive for the heart of old yet still beautiful matriarch, then learn they need to get along for mom to be happy. That's the Pau-Kobe-Phil dynamic, isn't it?
New Orleans Hornets: Beeswax - Beyond the titular similarities, they are understated even by the standards of the genre.
San Antonio Spurs: The Pleasure of Being Robbed - Clear French influences...and boring as shit.
Orlando Magic: Baghead - Get some relative stars together and still churn out a disappointing project. Gilbert Arenas is also the most likely player to wear a bag on his head for the duration of a game.
Denver Nuggets: Hannah Takes the Stairs - Hannah (Greta Gerwig) and Melo (Carmelo Anthony) are similarly juggling several relationships in a fickle way while trying to figure out what they really want. Both will eventually move on to more lucrative projects (Greenberg/NY Knicks).
OKC Thunder: Humpday - Good production values, flashy, still kind of immature.
Washington Wizards: LOL - I haven't seen this movie but the title sums up the Wiz's road record.
LA Clippers: The Puffy Chair - Like Donald Sterling, the characters in The Puffy Chair are inordinately cheap, culminating in an elaborate scam to avoid paying $10 extra at a roadside motel. Both underachieve, but feature a breakout star (The League's Mark Duplass and Blake Griffin).
NY Knicks: Tiny Furniture - A team and filmmaker on the rise, while still experiencing growing pains in the process. Observing rich New Yorkers has never induced this much anxiety.
Miami Heat: Greenberg - Brash, obnoxious, bordering on mental illness, but with a production value and talent level that rises above its genre.
Apologies if your team wasn't mentioned but we haven't seen any of the other mumblecore films such as Nights and Weekends or Team Picture. Much like the Detroit Pistons, we acknowledge that they exist, but otherwise can't be bothered with them.