Inverse All-Stars: Western Conference

There are just a few true stars in the league, as much as David Stern wants us to consider Roy Hibbert as a star in the same way that Hakeem was once considered a star. The best of the best usually get chosen as All-Star reserves, whereas Yao and Carmelo get voted as starters. Bogus.

With that said, the Negative Dunkalectics team - everybody who you enjoy reading every day, with help from a few other friends - have compiled a list of the Inverse All-Stars: a ghastly team of players who we believe garner far too much playing time, shot opportunities, and whose high profiles are bringing down their teams more than helping them. Today, we're going to start with the Western Conference, and the Eastern players will go tomorrow.


PG Derek Fisher (LAL)
Fisher is the starting point guard for the league's defending champions, but you wouldn't know it considering how little he's used during crunch time against good teams. That he represents an organization based in deliberate and careful arbitration explains the expectation of a lockout next year. I could probably write an article about how his leadership is harming the national image of labor through NBA Finals dickishness, but this sentence will have to suffice for now.

SG O.J. Mayo (MEM)
Memphis is cruising through Mayo's suspension. In particular, Sam Young has been showing up and delivering the best playing of his young (ugh) career. Meanwhile, Grizzlies/Tigers fans have a lot to look forward to when Mayo returns: he's shooting 40% for the year, is supposed to be a combo guard but doesn't pass, and still averages almost 30 minutes a game. But what all of America is wondering is: when will he reveal the awesome energy drink that makes you test positive for steroids!

SF Brian Cardinal
The Mavericks recently downvoted Cardinal in the rotation, but his mark on the team has been made since Caron Butler went down, as Cardinal started several games in order to keep the rotations fluid or something. What Cardinal was adding to the team has yet to be seen, although with Peja "DNP - Broken Back" Stojakovic joining the Mavericks, we probably haven't seen the last of Brian playing more than garbage time. Regardless, his persistence is leading to a D-League player not getting their big shot.

PF Channing Frye
In stretches last season, Channing Frye's performances - particularly his high three point percentage - made Steve Kerr look partially brilliant. But for the most part last year, and almost all of this year, this signing feels like almost the main indicator that everybody on the Suns needs to get traded away and/or burned in a pyre. Frye is averaging five more minutes per game than last year, and his shooting percentage has dived 5% to go along with presumably how teams don't need to double team Amare anymore.

C Robin Lopez (PHX)
The existence of Marcin Gortat has made Robin Lopez, who I guess people hoped for to break out like his brother, completely redundant. Gortat delivers where Lopez doesn't on almost every level, and will eventually take over his job as starting center of this wretchedly mediocre team. After then, maybe he won't make this list, but for now, he does.

Reserves:G/F Rasual Butler (LAC)
PF Kenyon Martin (DEN)
SF Donte Greene (SAC)
PG Jonny Flynn (MIN)
C Samuel Dalembert (SAC)
F/G Wes Johnson (MIN)
SG Corey Brewer (MIN)

All those dudes suck, but despite their ineptitude, a team composed of any or all of these players could still beat the Cavaliers.


Kelly said...

I'm hoping the Least of the East's starting five is just the Cavs's starting five!

Kirk Krack said...

Kind of funny that a James Johnson photo leads this off...given that he just got relegated to the D league

Dennis G. Schmuck said...

brian cardinal looks like an extra in "lock, stock, and two smoking barrels"

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